judgmentnight

What a Girl Wants

February 5, 2010

What a Girl Wants (2003) IMDB rating: 5.70 Plot: Daphne, a seventeen-year-old girl from New York goes to England in search of her father, who does not know he had a child with an American girlfriend he met while working in Morocco, and whose aristocratic family did not approve of the woman.

What a Girl Wants

Actors: Firth Colin,Pryce Jonathan,James Oliver,Reeves Peter,Greene James,Osborne Steven,Toller Mike,Penn Tom,Adventure,Musical,Romance,Comedy,Drama,Family,

How good do you think this piece is? (out of 5)?
Hi. I’m 13, I love writing, but how good is this intro? I think it’s ok, but I don’t know about you guys… do you want to read more of this? Pls be honest. Could you rate it out of 5, and give comments or edits? Thxs in advance. Here it is:

"Mom!" My voice is thin and reedy. High-pitched. Unnatural.
"I’m going for a walk." It’s surprising how easily I can say it.
" ‘k hun" her voice comes back, absent and distracted. Oblivious as usual. Oh well. For this once, it would protect her. For a while.
"See ya mom" I shouted, and then after a pause, "Love ya"
I walked out quickly. I sauntered down the street casually, feeling surprisingly calm and detached. Several cars drove by, but I ignored them. They weren’t big enough. Or fast enough, for that matter. Suddenly, I spotted the perfect truck, and it’s owner, a heavily muscled guy, was whistling and looked distracted. I took a deep breath, measured the distance carefully, closed my eyes, and started walking. Off the pavement, onto the road. I heard one yell, felt one hand on my arm, but I shrugged both off. I continued walking.
*Screech* Thud thud.
I felt the impact, and smiled. Mission completed.

How is it??? Btw, could you suggest a name for the character and whether it is to be a girl or boy? Thxs

P.S This is not a sad emo story, it’s not some soppy love story. It’s a story about… well, I’ll leave that to your imagination. Happy reading!

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Ooh it’s pretty good! I’m an amature author too, so I know how you feel. maybe you could make it the story of an albino girl who has a broken family and is made fun of at school? Then (this is a random example) she could learn that she has the power to control people and make them do her bidding. So, she sets herself on a mission to have revenge on the awful people who had once excluded her, and ends up on the run from the law.
Clara | Feb 04, 2010

Entry Filed under: Uncategorized. Tags: 2003, Adventure, Comedy, Drama, Family, Firth Colin, Greene James, James Oliver, Musical, Osborne Steven, Penn Tom, Pryce Jonathan, Reeves Peter, Romance, Toller Mike.